Emotional eating is a topic that confronts many people, regardless of their circumstances. Since our emotions are powerful drivers of behaviour, we may all be prone to eating emotionally on occasion. At the same time, doing so can comfort and soothe; I’m sure many of us have experienced food’s power to quell anxiety or arouse feelings of happiness and joy. Is emotional eating an acceptable way of relating to food? When, if ever, should it be considered unhealthy? Trying to understand the concept may only leave people more confused, particularly when they’re often forced to sort through a host of competing “expert” opinions.
Then there’s the judgements associated with diet culture, which completely reject emotional eating as a “bad” act that can only ever be harmful; something that exposes a deep human flaw to which we’re all susceptible, but which we must avoid or suppress at all costs. The unspoken assumption – one both widespread and unacknowledged – is that we should simply be able to master our basic impulses and emotions to control our weight. If you feel confused, then, it’s hardly surprising.
In this post, I want to explore emotional eating from a compassionate standpoint. I will not be heaping judgement on you if you eat for emotional reasons or feel that your emotions shape your food choices. Instead, I hope to lift some of the blame that diet culture throws on you for something that is, in fact, a natural and soothing human instinct.
What is emotional eating?
Although the notion of emotional eating can be hard to properly grasp – especially with so many ideas swirling around on social media – I want to bring some clarity to the topic by putting forward a couple of key ideas. Here’s one basic definition:
Emotional eating is the very essence of nourishing our body, entwined with our need to survive and thrive.
Nourishing our bodies provides us with daily pleasure and safety. It is an inherently emotional experience, as we desire food and then meet our needs, reminding ourselves that, yes, we warrant sustenance and enjoyment. Bodily nourishment is a beautiful means of nurturing our emotional lives – a crucial part of our humanity. Doing so allows us to engage with the world around us, connect with others, express our beliefs, practice traditions, grieve, experience joy, and celebrate the small and big moments in life. The very act of eating elicits an emotional experience, one marked by (hopefully!) safety, care, respect and joy.
This definition acknowledges that emotions and eating are naturally entwined, for the very reason that we are innately emotional beings. Trying to separate them would be like trying to experience the intimate glow of a campfire while avoiding its warmth.
What if emotional eating is my main way of coping?
That said, there is another aspect of emotional eating that people often experience. You might call this the second definition, or “type,” of emotional eating, which is what I use in my work with people who say they struggle with emotional eating. Although eating is indeed an emotional experience, it may at times become entangled with guilt, confusion, and shame. This can be seen in relation to eating as a coping strategy.
Eating as a way of coping
Eating purely for emotional reasons, suggests that you are eating to meet an emotional need. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. It is a normal instinct for humans to turn to food as comfort. It’s not a character flaw. For many people, food has become the main way of coping with emotions and life. If this is you, you are not alone. This is not something to feel guilty about; rather, it suggests you are doing the best you can to care for yourself in your time of need.
To be sure, relying solely on food to cope with life’s pressures also suggests the presence of needs that could be satisfied in other ways. If you’re in this boat, you could benefit from developing additional skills to add to your tool kit. Doing so could allow you to better manage challenging emotions, build resilience, and care for yourself. We don’t need to judge or throw out the act of emotional eating – we just need to add to your repertoire!
Challenging diet culture’s rules and beliefs about emotional eating
Of course, diet culture contains lots of ideas about how we should and shouldn’t nourish our bodies. It also has a lot to say about emotional eating. Diet culture’s primary messages are frequently based around strict food rules and the need to control our bodies – all in order to reach the goal of being smaller. Our ability to follow these rules is meant to trump every natural bodily cue or need. When it comes to enjoying food, several rules spring to mind:
- Eating for pleasure is prohibited, unless it’s a low-calorie food or “clean” sweet treat
- All emotional eating is forbidden; we should only eat when we are physically hungry
- Soothing ourselves with food is not allowed
- If we allow ourselves an indulgent treat, we must compensate through restriction or exercise. We should also feel terrible for breaking the sacred rules – maybe even some self-flagellation for daring to acknowledge a desire for pleasurable foods.
These are just some of diet culture’s rules. What would you add? As you can see, it judges core human traits and needs, substituting a narrow, artificial relationship with food for something that is far richer and more natural.
The impact of judging emotional eating
You wouldn’t be alone if you have criticised yourself for eating for emotional reasons. Diet culture’s pervasive influence means that many people think that emotional eating is plainly wrong. And yet, what is the basic impact of criticising something that is inherently human and natural? Shame.
Shame is the feeling and belief that you are a “bad” person, or something is “wrong” with you because you ate for emotional reasons.
Shame is not a helpful tool. Nor is it a healing tool. Instead, shame can often trigger further chaotic eating patterns, as feelings of failure may induce a person to lose a handle on their relationship with food. When they’re in such a state, they may well struggle to listen to their body’s wisdom and nourish it adequately.
Nourishing our bodies is very challenging when we are constantly burdened by shame or guilt. Similarly, it’s hard to develop an emotionally healthy relationship with food where we scrutinise every choice through the judgements we may have unconsciously absorbed from diet culture. Yet it doesn’t have to be this way. It is possible to unlearn diet culture’s rules about food, emotional eating and nourishing our bodies. And one of the first places to start this journey of unlearning is with curiosity and compassion.
Shifting from judgment to curiosity
If you are struggling with emotional eating, you might find yourself heaping on the judgements and criticisms. But I wonder: what are the results? For many people, judging the act of emotional eating sends them into what I call a “shame spiral” that only succeeds in perpetuating chaotic and emotional eating patterns.
You might wonder, “If not judgement, then what? How do I maintain a healthy relationship with food.” These are great questions. Shifting from judgement to curiosity can help you lean into your experiences of emotional eating and learn from them. What is my body communicating in this moment? What are its needs? How is food satisfying them?
Information gleaned from such reflections can help you to genuinely take care of yourself while considering all the ways you can support your body rather than shame it.
Accepting emotional eating
Making peace (or acceptance) with emotional eating, can also help us shift from a shame spiral to a place of compassion and body trust. But doing so can also be hard to understand and “land.” I therefore want to offer a practical way of viewing it.
What might this look like in action? You may start to include some emotional eating without judgement, acknowledging that it can be a part of your toolkit to cope with emotions.
In practice, emotional eating could mean planning a delicious meal and or dessert after a stressful week at work. It might be part of a broader suite of actions you take to manage difficult emotions or external stressors: self-compassion, grounding techniques, journaling, deep breathing, soaking in a bath, watching a “comfort” film, or talking to a close friend. It means that food is just one component of your self-care tool kit.
It could also mean allowing yourself to eat a delicious, comforting meal, knowing it will help you feel better – freely, and without judgment.
Emotional eating could also see you drop the food rules and accepting that all foods can fit into a person’s diet. In other words, it means reminding yourself that all foods have a place in nourishing one’s body.
The surprising benefit of acceptance is the reduction of shame. With the reduction of shame, we can lean into our body’s need and meet the need more easily. Reducing shame reduces chaotic eating patterns, allowing us to experience the benefits of emotional eating. It also helps us to find balance and peace with food.
Embarking on a journey of healing
The focus of this post has been to define emotional eating, highlight diet culture’s harmful judgements, and help shed a little light on the healing journey. When working with a Credentialed Eating Disorder Dietitian, there are likely to be many steps, tools, and skills you can take or use that will help you along the way. The journey towards healing is sometimes staggered and uneven, involving a few steps forward and a couple of steps backwards. It requires patience, support and self-compassion. But while it may be hard to imagine, truly enjoying food – without a side of guilt – is possible. If you’ve made it this far, I hope you’ve come away with some clarity. And not just clarity, but hope for healing your relationship with food.
If you struggle with judging your emotional eating and find it dominating your life, then I would encourage you to reach out for support. Why not book a discovery call with me today? It’s an opportunity to ask questions and learn more about what I can offer.
