This is a two-part blog post. If you haven’t read part one, I encourage you to start there.
Now that you have some clarity on what healthy eating looks like and what shapes our eating patterns, you might be wondering what steps you can take at home. Supporting your teen means challenging diet culture’s narrative on ‘healthy’ eating and setting up a judgment-free zone at home, where your teen can learn to connect with, trust, and nourish their body.
Here are some general strategies that you can consider implementing. Please remember they are general, so I recommend seeking support from a dietitian to individualise them for your circumstances.
The way you talk about food
- Talk about food in neutral terms. Don’t impose moral judgments on food by calling it good and bad foods. In simple terms, you can just call food by its name. Instead of “I’m feeling naughty; let’s be indulgent and have some chips,” try something more neutral: “Let’s have some chips for afternoon tea.”
- Try to avoid a black-and-white approach to foods, where some foods are “healthy” and others are “unhealthy.” All foods fit and have their place in a person’s diet. Yes, some foods are more nutritionally dense. But that doesn’t mean we have to devalue or fear other types of food.
- Talk about the many roles food can play in nurturing a healthy, satisfying, and well-rounded life.
- Avoid talking about calories in food.
- Avoid talking about “burning off” calories. Instead of “That cake was so delicious; I’ll have to go for an extra walk today to burn off those extra calories,” you can try “That cake was so delicious and satisfying.”
- Allow your teenager to honour their appetite by serving their own portion at mealtimes and encouraging them to respond to their body’s cues.
The way you talk about bodies and weight
- Avoid making comments or judgments on bodies, whether your teen’s, others’, or your own.
- Talk about people for who they are, how they make you feel, and what they offer this world – not their physical appearance.
- Remove any scales from the house.
- Encourage body appreciation. Reflect on what you are thankful for about your body.
- Talk about how bodies change throughout life, and how this is perfectly normal.
- Point out and challenge artificial (and unrealistic) beauty standards. Explore what beauty really means.
Experiences around food
- Provide opportunities for your teenager to learn cooking skills. These are crucial when they’re living independently.
- Invite your teenager to be a part of menu planning and meal preparation.
- Tuning into the experience of eating and enjoying the tastes, textures, smells, and appearance of food.
- Provide opportunities for them to have neutral experiences with a wide range of foods. Self-serve family meals are a great way to give your teens these experiences.
- Include regular family meals in your weekly schedule. This provides opportunities for positive connection with food and each other.
Being a role model
- Honouring your body and its needs, listening to it instead of arbitrary diet rules.
- Maintain regular eating patterns. Prioritising your need for regular food.
- Enjoying food for celebrations without a side of judgement or guilt. This could mean, for instance, noticing how delicious the birthday cake was without saying, “I’m so naughty having this tonight; I’ll have to do some extra steps tomorrow.”
- Taking care of your body through rest and movement.
- Nourishing your body with food that’s health-promoting and enjoyable (not restrictive).
- Avoid making negative comments about how your body looks in clothes, such as “This outfit isn’t very slimming; it makes my stomach look big.”
Remember: as with many things, teenagers will experiment with food
A final note that is worth pausing on. Teenagers are embarking on a process of individuation, learning how to take care of their bodies. This means they will naturally experiment with food. As they learn to nourish their body and work out what they enjoy, they will miss the mark at times. This is normal and to be expected.
They will eat out more and, at times, make what seem ‘unhealthy’ choices. If this happens, please don’t freak out or react. It is an important learning experience for your teen.
When your teen comes home after eating take-away all day, and says they feel sick, connection and compassion are your best responses. You might say, “I’m so sorry you feel sick. That happens to me too when I eat more takeaway than I need. What will help you right now?” Later, you may say, “What do you think your body was telling you?” This type of response reduces shame and helps your teen to listen to their body, learning to meet its needs.
On the other hand, your teen might come home from a long day at work, undernourished, starving and grumpy. Again, compassion over judgement is needed. “I’m so sorry you’re so hungry; that would feel awful,” or “Would you like some juice, to get your blood sugar levels up?” Later that day or a few days later, you could become curious together. Help them learn what their body needs and how to prioritise regular food – even at work.
Of course, there is also a point at which experimenting with food becomes an issue. If you are concerned about your teenagers’ eating patterns, don’t ignore this: seek a professional’s opinion and support.
Parents, don’t doubt your ability
I hope that this blog post feels empowering. You no doubt want the best for your teen. Even though we can’t control our teens’ food intake or make them healthy eaters, we are not left powerless. There is much we can do to support them in developing a healthy relationship with food and their body. This is ultimately the most important foundation we can offer them.
If you want support with your own relationship with food or your teens, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
